Sunday 29 August 2010

Being me

I looked in the mirror this morning, nothing new in that. What I saw made me smile and realise that not losing weight is not the end of the world. I liked my body, it is full and curvy with definite breasts ( still relatively perky for 45) a waist that is incredibly defined and hips that balance the breasts. I have a woman's body, full and curvy, my tummy is rounded, my skin is soft, my legs are shapely and I repeat, I look like a woman. My husband loves my curves and celebrates them whenever he can. He thinks I am beautiful both inside and out.

I want to lose weight to be healthy not to increase my beauty. We all know beauty is more than skin deep and being beautiful inside is very important. I would like to rid myself of some niggely health issues and go forward into my fifties as healthy as I can be with a sensible and balanced approach to food. Not to be a size zero. I am not sure actually with my boobs that that would be possible anyway....

Anyway my point is that I realised that I loved me for being me. That's all folks.

Friday 27 August 2010

Binge day

Well today is a binge day. Sitting on the settee bingeing on TV and food. What a way to spend the afternoon. I could get up and do stuff but I can't be bothered and I haven't got the energy. So as I said today is binge day. No sure what I am going to do about it, not sure what I want to do about it. Enjoy it? Hate myself?

Who knows but things could be worse. Phone call from Husband, can't think of an adjective for him, some stoooooooopid idiot has just t-boned his car. On the way home from work. He is fine however the car is not, apparently he will be getting out via the passenger door!!!

Curry night should help sort him out!!! that and maybe some cider.

Thursday 26 August 2010

Brownies and values

I got fed up. Fed up with counting calories, fed up with recording all foods eaten and drink drunk. No weight loss. Is that coz I have been eating too few cals? Also fed up with obsessing about all this. So I took yesterday as a day off, eat what I wanted, not record it and not obsess. Did it work? No not really, I found myself inadvertently portion controlling and sizing up calories. I woke up this morning determined to be more normal about things and shouted at myself for being so anal.

Then the grandkids came for the day and we made brownies, no healthy version either, full fat, sugar the lot. Yummy. I ate 2 small ones. Luckily I had to fight the grandson for bowl licking rights and lost! Now I am trying to figure out what I ate and why? Questions questions. No answers.

Keep the calories in control to the figure they should be, each day every day. Maybe I should zig zag, up one day down the next? I want my brain to stop thinking on this....I want to lose weight, I want to be able to exercise, that is a big no no. So I must be content to lose a little weight and keep at it longer. All I really want to do is to scream "it's not fair" I want a normal life, a normal way to lose weight, having come to terms with why I over eat and controlling it it is so frustrating when I cannot exercise to help the weight loss.

So be it, it's another day, another challenge, one more ting to come to terms with and deal with. I'm good at that..........

Monday 23 August 2010

weekends come and go

Another weekend down, another family do done, more wine drunk and bottoms sat on. It did lead me to the conclusion that families are a strange thing, we have our own families and we have those that we make ourselves. We do some strange things in the name of family and we watch others squirm and wiggle on the pin of family.

Extended families are a strange lot, we all think we have the right to be the main protagonist or the one that is in charge and it very rarely works out that way. Each member of an extended family becomes forgetful of others in the orbit. We all seem to forget others may have as much right as we do to be in the said orbit. That some do not see other's rights is a reflection more on their character than ours. We can only police ourselves, not others and make sure our own behaviour is above reproach. If we want more from others then sometimes a straight forward question is required and if that does not work then we must be content knowing that we have done all we can. However life doesn't always work out that way I know. Some people just will not accept others rights to be in their lives. That is unthinking, unfair and just down right selfish.

On a more cheerful note it is nice to catch up with family extended or otherwise, in fact my extended family is quite simply the best, lots of beautiful little people, lots of wonderful big people and an amazing amount of love.

Friday 20 August 2010

Hmmph, wiffle, piffle

Well I might possibly have lied again, I stood on the scales again, waits for irate husband to come charging home, and I was rewarded though.I had managed my holy grail and lost weight. So that was worth the constant weighing.

However the crafty thing yesterday might possibly have cost e more than money. I am a wee bit tired and achy today, so am banished to settee for rest. Grrrr

In the mean time I ponder upon cyber friends. They can be as flaky as real friends. I know there are people out there who collect friends as a hobby. I don't understand it but there are. Why do they do that? They ask to be your buddy on a site, any site, and then ignore you. Is it a numbers thing? Do they get a kick out of building up their numbers? Does it make them feel validated, superior and needed? Do they even stop to consider how it makes the buddy feel? Wanted at first then left out in the cold. No I don't expect they do, there are obviously exceptions to every thing and there may be those genuine people who get caught up in their real life and do not have time to connect with their virtual life. But there does seem to be a growing section of people who are only interested in numbers and not actually being there for anyone. So maybe next time I may be more careful when I accept a buddy request, or maybe not....

Thursday 19 August 2010

No stopping me now.

Yep I knew I wouldn't stop listing my foods. Something about it is addictive and does strangely enough keep me honest. Again studies have shown that keeping a food diary is one of the most successful ways of losing weight. Darn it....

I stood on the scales today, okay confession time I have been standing on the scales everyday since Monday and not liking what I saw so I cheated and didn't record the weight. Bad me I know. I am an advocate of the once a week weigh in but that devil just sits on my shoulder and whispers and points at the scales and I succumb. Husband has now said that if I don't behave he will lock up the scales and issue me with vouchers for their use. How often I use them is up to me but when they are all used up there will be no more!!!! Could work, Thursday's resolution anyway is to ban myself from them until next Thursday. Scales cold turkey here I come.

Oh you want to know the weight? Well after the weekends wine and Tapas festival it went up and down again to the same as last week. So I guess I that is good and cannot expect anything else.

I tried exercising, I like exercising, thee only problem is my M.E (CFS) does not and all this week have been waking up with the dreaded M.E sore throat that usually heralds a relapse into "bad M.E". My technical term for it you understand. So the upshot of it is back to slow and steady weight-loss (fingers crossed, hopefully, prayers to the weight-loss gods) and little or no exercise.

The bonus was in the economy of my favourite craft shop. It mugged me yesterday and now I have lots of lovely new stuff to play with. So guess what I am up to today???

wow it's been a while

As the title says..... It's been a bit hectic of late and my brain was not in the mood for musings, apologies. Here's one I posted on another site, a journal entry shall we say, to start things off again:

I am truly impressed with myself today. I went food shopping and managed to buy only healthy food. Nothing I shouldn't eat snuck into my trolley. I am enjoying being healthy which does make it easier. There is a definite buzz when I realise that I am being conscious of what goes in my body. Of course that does not count wine, that I reserve for my weekends. Nobody should come between me and my wine.

I am not going to stand on the scales daily, I will favour weekly, I feel that that is a healthier mindset. Foe me at least. I have proven that I can lose a large amount of weight and keep it off so I know I can do it, however this time round I appear to be more anal about things. I am not sure if that is a good thing. I get caught up in the whole diet thing too much, I look in the mirror and expect to see a dramatic difference daily which is clearly not going to happen. Intellectually I know this however emotionally is a different matter. I then find myself investigating what I have eaten and imagining how I can improve on this. This is not a healthy way to live, and I am not sure if counting calories daily is helping. I know to weigh and portion control and for the most part I do not eat sugar, processed food, wheat, dairy, or desserts. So do I need to count my calories? Can I continue to police my portions and eat healthily without writing it all down? Will I still lose weight this way? Why cannot I be happy with a weight loss of 0.5kg? This is a perfect weight loss and has been proven to be the best chance of keeping weight off.

All this is of course theoretical. I am expecting to be counting calories and inputting them here on a daily basis.......