Well here I am in the kitchen, cooking as usual, and the Mamma Mia soundtrack is playing. There is one song on there that I always find poignant but today it struck a particular chord ( sorry couldn't resist the pun). If you know the film and are familiar with what is going on in my life at the moment you will probably have guessed which one it is. It gave me a strange old squiggle in the heart. Although the Childe's circumstances are slightly different and so is our relationship it did make me smile and cry. Letting go is hard and although she is gone, next weekend marks a new beginning for her and soon to be not son son-in-law. I am so very happy for them and so very proud of them and of what they have in their little family. I wonder do we ever appreciate what a parent ( or not) goes through as their children grow up and away from the nest? It is a natural progression and one that we all have done but until we ourselves can view it from both sides do we realise how much pleasure and pain there is involved on the part of the parent ( or not parent parent).
Mother said to me today that she was so proud of having me for a daughter and how proud she is of me as a person, well I don't tell her often enough but I am very proud of her too and after all where did I learn it from? As I said to someone the other day the person I most admire in the world is my Mother, she taught me about love and how it can transcend anything and how to be strong and caring. I hope I can give onwards even a small amount of her love and strength; if recent communications are anything to go by I have managed to do so.
She also said she was proud to have the Childe as her Grandaughter and for that again she deserves so much praise after all Nanny and she did start off the process of loving those not related and binding them close with ties of love and family. Maybe as the Childe and I progress we shall pass on all this emotional history to PP and on further. What a beautiful thought of all that love passing from generation to generation of strong women. Mustn't be sexist though, BM can pass it on too nothing wrong with emotionally strong men!
Well as I have sat here waxing lyrical about love... my onions and potatoes for the most delicious Tortilla Espanola have softened and browned nicely all ready for the final mix with eggs and frying. Now where did that sherry get to?
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Monday, 26 April 2010
Learning to let go
Why does loving someone come with hurt? You'd have thought that when you love someone, and remember love comes in many shapes and forms, that all would be well in the world. But what happens when you love someone too much? And you have to loosen the ties a little?
When you give love you obviously expect it to be reciprocated and it generally is but when one of you has a love that burns too fierce, too protective, too smothering what can you do?
Learning to let go is hard. Learning to let someone live their life without pressure from you is difficult. You want to give your all, you want to be there for them, important to them but sometimes maybe this is too much, just sometimes you have to accept that love although freely given is not necessarily quite as equal as you would like.
So there you are at that moment when you realise that your love has become smothering and slightly unwanted. You sigh, analyse, fret and hurt but what else can you do? If you do really unselfishly love that person you have to loosen the ties a little, not cut them completely but learn to back off, love from a slightly safer distance. Allow them room to breathe. Maybe if you are lucky the road becomes smoother and you move towards a place in the future where both of you are comfortable again. With luck.
When you give love you obviously expect it to be reciprocated and it generally is but when one of you has a love that burns too fierce, too protective, too smothering what can you do?
Learning to let go is hard. Learning to let someone live their life without pressure from you is difficult. You want to give your all, you want to be there for them, important to them but sometimes maybe this is too much, just sometimes you have to accept that love although freely given is not necessarily quite as equal as you would like.
So there you are at that moment when you realise that your love has become smothering and slightly unwanted. You sigh, analyse, fret and hurt but what else can you do? If you do really unselfishly love that person you have to loosen the ties a little, not cut them completely but learn to back off, love from a slightly safer distance. Allow them room to breathe. Maybe if you are lucky the road becomes smoother and you move towards a place in the future where both of you are comfortable again. With luck.
Friday, 23 April 2010
tech head does cold turkey
How did I get to be such a tech head? Probably through marrying a geek? Though I have a sneaky suspicion that I was headed in that direction anyway. After all when I bought my first computer I did research all the technical terms and clue myself up as to what specs I wanted. I do like to know about what I am doing. Would that explain why I have so many shoes and handbags? Research!!!!
I now finding myself saying things to geek husband like " can I please have a separate computer to practice my Linux programming skills". It is a mite worrying and of course being me I shall redress the balance and do some shopping!!
Today though my addiction to all things techy brings with it a bad case of cold turkey as my wonderful, beautiful Hero (smartphone to all non techies) goes off with a nice UPS man to be repaired. Sigh, how will I manage for a week without being able to check my e-mails on an hourly (or more if truth be told) basis, check Facebook updates, surf the web, make dates on the calendar and a hundred and one other vitally important things? I may need to be surgically removed from my netbook after a week.
I hope the nice UPS man comes quite quickly 9am-1pm is a long time to wait and I need to get to Lexus in Bracknell. Some nice woman decided last week to drive off with the petrol pump still in her car! Yes I know, how? Well she did, the pump stayed in her car and the hose released and swung wildly about clanging itself down the side of my car causing lots of little bits of damage. So off I need to go to get a quote for the repair. What a nice way to end my good Samaritan week in Southampton. I ask you, do a good deed and where does it get you? Stressed that's where. It's not like I have a wedding to finish organising or anything......
On that note I must say that I have had a mad push and and done all but the soap buying! Food is ordered, wine is temptingly sitting in the hallway and deliveries are appearing daily. Now all I have to do is put it all together and give the Childe a wonderful day with no stress and loads of happy memories. Oh no just popped into my head have yet to find time to sort out broken tiara thingy.....sigh
But. but fret not today is Friday and as we all know that can and often does involve pizza and wine in our house. Roll on 6pm I say.
I now finding myself saying things to geek husband like " can I please have a separate computer to practice my Linux programming skills". It is a mite worrying and of course being me I shall redress the balance and do some shopping!!
Today though my addiction to all things techy brings with it a bad case of cold turkey as my wonderful, beautiful Hero (smartphone to all non techies) goes off with a nice UPS man to be repaired. Sigh, how will I manage for a week without being able to check my e-mails on an hourly (or more if truth be told) basis, check Facebook updates, surf the web, make dates on the calendar and a hundred and one other vitally important things? I may need to be surgically removed from my netbook after a week.
I hope the nice UPS man comes quite quickly 9am-1pm is a long time to wait and I need to get to Lexus in Bracknell. Some nice woman decided last week to drive off with the petrol pump still in her car! Yes I know, how? Well she did, the pump stayed in her car and the hose released and swung wildly about clanging itself down the side of my car causing lots of little bits of damage. So off I need to go to get a quote for the repair. What a nice way to end my good Samaritan week in Southampton. I ask you, do a good deed and where does it get you? Stressed that's where. It's not like I have a wedding to finish organising or anything......
On that note I must say that I have had a mad push and and done all but the soap buying! Food is ordered, wine is temptingly sitting in the hallway and deliveries are appearing daily. Now all I have to do is put it all together and give the Childe a wonderful day with no stress and loads of happy memories. Oh no just popped into my head have yet to find time to sort out broken tiara thingy.....sigh
But. but fret not today is Friday and as we all know that can and often does involve pizza and wine in our house. Roll on 6pm I say.
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Wedding blues... pinks, butterflies....
It has been commented that it past time I blogged again. Where does time go? I think it gets eaten when I am not looking or is it that when I am on the computer I have a compulsion to play Spider solitaire???
Who and what can I blame this time for my sad lack of entries? M.E. well that's a given, Dad being in hospital and me Mum sitting? That was a bit unexpected. Wedding preparations? I think all of the above and I apologise to anyone if they have felt ignored by me....No not you Monster, you never get ignored.
Dad is getting better, I think, I hightailed it down to Southampton last Monday having cancelled a week of appointments apart from my hair, that I kept and I stayed until Thursday afternoon. It was a bit tiring but even so I felt bad leaving Mum on her own to do the bulk of the chores.
When I came home it was time to tidy and clean the house which admittedly was not as bad as I thought it would be. Pining Husband didn't do a bad job!!! Then it was onto the most important of chores!!!! Finally nail all the last bit of wedding prep down. I don't recall going to this much trouble for my own wedding! I would like to say that sourcing all the bits needed at the right price, right colour, size etc was taxing to say the least; but as usual when given a stress head and a deadline I get down to it and finish it. All I need to do now is sit back and wait for the deliveries to arrive, put the centre pieces almost together oh and one more thing what was it now? Ah yes slightly important!!! Sort out the food and wine!!!! Asda is useless can I say that?
So this afternoon I will be industriously employed in pinning ribbon and butterflies onto white candles and trying not to scream in frustration when my fingers don't do what they are supposed to do. Meal out tonight though so that is good, no cooking. I must remember though to bake some cake for husband and I to eat at said wedding. I am thinking my favourite Hummingbird chocolate cakes, they translate well to gluten and dairy free. MMM drooling at the thought and I desperately want to cook but I think the weight is creeping on again so no no no baking. If it isn't in the house I can't eat it.........
Who and what can I blame this time for my sad lack of entries? M.E. well that's a given, Dad being in hospital and me Mum sitting? That was a bit unexpected. Wedding preparations? I think all of the above and I apologise to anyone if they have felt ignored by me....No not you Monster, you never get ignored.
Dad is getting better, I think, I hightailed it down to Southampton last Monday having cancelled a week of appointments apart from my hair, that I kept and I stayed until Thursday afternoon. It was a bit tiring but even so I felt bad leaving Mum on her own to do the bulk of the chores.
When I came home it was time to tidy and clean the house which admittedly was not as bad as I thought it would be. Pining Husband didn't do a bad job!!! Then it was onto the most important of chores!!!! Finally nail all the last bit of wedding prep down. I don't recall going to this much trouble for my own wedding! I would like to say that sourcing all the bits needed at the right price, right colour, size etc was taxing to say the least; but as usual when given a stress head and a deadline I get down to it and finish it. All I need to do now is sit back and wait for the deliveries to arrive, put the centre pieces almost together oh and one more thing what was it now? Ah yes slightly important!!! Sort out the food and wine!!!! Asda is useless can I say that?
So this afternoon I will be industriously employed in pinning ribbon and butterflies onto white candles and trying not to scream in frustration when my fingers don't do what they are supposed to do. Meal out tonight though so that is good, no cooking. I must remember though to bake some cake for husband and I to eat at said wedding. I am thinking my favourite Hummingbird chocolate cakes, they translate well to gluten and dairy free. MMM drooling at the thought and I desperately want to cook but I think the weight is creeping on again so no no no baking. If it isn't in the house I can't eat it.........
Friday, 2 April 2010
Spring has sprung
Well for us witches and the like spring sprung on the 21st March with our Ostara ritual, more on that somewhere else, and for me personally spring arrived when I got my shopping Mojo back. I am so pleased about that, it appeared to be having a small winter slumber.
It was raining on Monday a nice fine drizzle and it was darn cold but it was still spring and I was going shopping to Reading. My amazing shopping pal has not long had a gorgeous baby girl so we have not shopped for a while but both of us decided it was time!! We worked out how to get to Reading on our respective trains and agreed to meet. For me it was an incredibly painless travelling experience, drive to Blackwater station a mind blowing 3 minutes away, park for free with my trusty blue badge, pay £5 for a return ticket and hop on a train, 23 minutes later I am in sniffing distance of the shops. Oh I got that tingle and my wallet started to shrink.
Amazing shopping pal turned up and off we went. Now obviously with a new baby things were going to be different, but she has to get used to these girly shopping trips. I can highly recommend our first stop, John Lewis baby changing rooms. Very comfortable and usefully, parked right in the ladies clothes and spitting distance from the SHOES. Not that it did me much good, but we looked, we then tried to get out to the Oracle in a buggy friendly way. That took ingenuity and strained our brains.....
Next stop a shop which could be overtaking John Lewis as my fav department store, yes that's right Army and Navy. In past the make-up, all those delectable smells and promises of youth and beauty but I was good, I would not be side tracked from the shoes. I think it was 8 pairs I made the poor shop girls fetch and oh was it worth it, out I walked the proud owner of a pair of stunning Carvela cage heels in a gorgeous shade of pink, with the required platform as well. It made my heart sing and my wallet clench in protest but what the hell... Time for coffee and lunch..
After our lunch it was off to recce more bay changing rooms, A&N's are perfectly adequate just not a patch on JL's, I may be getting an expert on changing rooms and not for clothes!!!
We decided that enough was enough for one day and headed once more out into the drizzle with a last visit to the baby changing room of the day. I looked longingly at clothes on the way in and out but could not see what I wanted so off to the station with us, I can't speak for amazing shopping pal but I reckon it was a fine trip for our first post baby outing, with practice who knows what we can accomplish?
I however was not finished for the day, I jumped in the car and drove the long 2 mins to M&S here I happily finished shopping for my non Mother Mother of the bride outfit. Which included a gorgeous sparkly silver bag which I am sure will get a heap of use. So now I am ready for the Big Day, one Phase Eight dress, one pair of Carvela shoes (sigh), one M&S cardie and one M&S bag. Job done I should say.
There was no rest for this Chouet though, Monsters cane to visit on Tuesday, I know I know what was that I said about pacing? We had a lovely day though and managed to source some important bridal accessories, play with Chouet's choo choo train, munch lunch and have lots of snuggles. And I cooked for dearly beloved Husband.
Why is he dearly beloved husband? well he gave me money to go and buy new undies.... ain't that sweet? So after a quietish Wednesday I hightailed it to M&S again on Thursday, I think they must have reserved my disabled parking spot coz the same one was empty for me, serendipity I thought.
It took alot of bra trying on and off but I managed to come out with a good haul of pretty things. Slightly over budget but oh so pretty and colourful. That is one thing I like about losing weight no more dressing in just black or white, colourful tops mean colourful, fun undies.
So there we have it a darn fine week and yay shopping mojo recovered. This evening it will be a fine Thai meal with good friends and now I am off to experiment making gluten and dairy free rolls and hot cross buns, well maybe as a pagan just spiced fruit buns without the crosses!!!
It was raining on Monday a nice fine drizzle and it was darn cold but it was still spring and I was going shopping to Reading. My amazing shopping pal has not long had a gorgeous baby girl so we have not shopped for a while but both of us decided it was time!! We worked out how to get to Reading on our respective trains and agreed to meet. For me it was an incredibly painless travelling experience, drive to Blackwater station a mind blowing 3 minutes away, park for free with my trusty blue badge, pay £5 for a return ticket and hop on a train, 23 minutes later I am in sniffing distance of the shops. Oh I got that tingle and my wallet started to shrink.
Amazing shopping pal turned up and off we went. Now obviously with a new baby things were going to be different, but she has to get used to these girly shopping trips. I can highly recommend our first stop, John Lewis baby changing rooms. Very comfortable and usefully, parked right in the ladies clothes and spitting distance from the SHOES. Not that it did me much good, but we looked, we then tried to get out to the Oracle in a buggy friendly way. That took ingenuity and strained our brains.....
Next stop a shop which could be overtaking John Lewis as my fav department store, yes that's right Army and Navy. In past the make-up, all those delectable smells and promises of youth and beauty but I was good, I would not be side tracked from the shoes. I think it was 8 pairs I made the poor shop girls fetch and oh was it worth it, out I walked the proud owner of a pair of stunning Carvela cage heels in a gorgeous shade of pink, with the required platform as well. It made my heart sing and my wallet clench in protest but what the hell... Time for coffee and lunch..
After our lunch it was off to recce more bay changing rooms, A&N's are perfectly adequate just not a patch on JL's, I may be getting an expert on changing rooms and not for clothes!!!
We decided that enough was enough for one day and headed once more out into the drizzle with a last visit to the baby changing room of the day. I looked longingly at clothes on the way in and out but could not see what I wanted so off to the station with us, I can't speak for amazing shopping pal but I reckon it was a fine trip for our first post baby outing, with practice who knows what we can accomplish?
I however was not finished for the day, I jumped in the car and drove the long 2 mins to M&S here I happily finished shopping for my non Mother Mother of the bride outfit. Which included a gorgeous sparkly silver bag which I am sure will get a heap of use. So now I am ready for the Big Day, one Phase Eight dress, one pair of Carvela shoes (sigh), one M&S cardie and one M&S bag. Job done I should say.
There was no rest for this Chouet though, Monsters cane to visit on Tuesday, I know I know what was that I said about pacing? We had a lovely day though and managed to source some important bridal accessories, play with Chouet's choo choo train, munch lunch and have lots of snuggles. And I cooked for dearly beloved Husband.
Why is he dearly beloved husband? well he gave me money to go and buy new undies.... ain't that sweet? So after a quietish Wednesday I hightailed it to M&S again on Thursday, I think they must have reserved my disabled parking spot coz the same one was empty for me, serendipity I thought.
It took alot of bra trying on and off but I managed to come out with a good haul of pretty things. Slightly over budget but oh so pretty and colourful. That is one thing I like about losing weight no more dressing in just black or white, colourful tops mean colourful, fun undies.
So there we have it a darn fine week and yay shopping mojo recovered. This evening it will be a fine Thai meal with good friends and now I am off to experiment making gluten and dairy free rolls and hot cross buns, well maybe as a pagan just spiced fruit buns without the crosses!!!
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